InsaneJournal

Current mood:

FAT

All right, yes, I'm selfish. Can we move on now?
On Friday, Lydia sent Annie to me (and by that, I mean she brought her over) with a knapsack and a pack of non-toxic body paint. I thought maybe that was supposed to be a gift, but it turned out the paint wasn't edible. So instead I let Annie draw a picture for the baby on my tummy. I'd post a photo, if it didn't disturb me to actually see pictures of my belly being that big.

On Tuesday, we're flying to New York and I'll be staying there with Gabi and Mateo until this egg finally hatches. It won't be too much longer. I'm determined to be down to pre-baby weight by Thanksgiving. That way, I won't feel so guilty about pigging out.

Between the sex and the fighting and me threatening to yank the kid out of my uterus if it gives me heartburn one more time (okay, that wasn't a great visual, was it?), I think I've managed to convince Alexei that I'm not ready to be a mom right now. I am 100% ready to get back to our old life together. The one where we were completely selfish about each other's time. No, I'm not saying he was right. I don't regret doing this because I know in the end, it's so worth it. Gabi and Mateo are going to make great parents. Me? I still like being independent. I love it when we get to watch Annie, but I always know there will come a time when we have to give her back. And Lydia, I love her, but I love being able to give her back, too. I don't think Alexei and I are ready (at least, I know I'm not) for an eighteen year commitment to put someone else's needs above the needs of me and my husband. That's selfish. I know it is. I also know that I love my life with Alexei and I still want more time having him all to myself.

All of that being said, I'm counting down the days until I'm my own person again. If I had to do it all over again, I definitely would make the same decision. But I really hope Gabi and Mateo are happy with one baby, because doing it again in general? Not happening!

Oh. And Evan? Lay off my sister a little bit. Only the immediate family is allowed to tease her mercilessly. You really don't want a pregnant woman kicking your ass, do you?