If I could say what I wanna see, I wanna see you go down...on one knee
How is it that with every passing day, I accomplish one more thing...and find twenty new things that need to be done? Not that I'm complaining. I'm actually feeling good about...well, everything. Maybe I'm still coming down from the high of celebrating my birthday with a wonderful group of people. Maybe it's just the excitement catching up with me again. I'm tired of stressing out about everything being perfect. I've got my family, my friends and Alexei. That's all I need for a wedding.

Oh! Except for the exquisite dress Nanna made for me! Words can't even begin to describe how I felt when I finally put on the finished product and saw my reflection. Nanna is amazingly talented and if I thought I had a chance, I'd try to get her to move to LA and work with me on the Venus label. I was more than happy to stay a few extra days in Portland in order to help celebrate her birthday.

Am I glad I did, or what? LYDIA GOT ENGAGED!!! It was so sweet, so wonderful, and I get all teary just thinking about it because I'm so happy for her! She deserves to be happy and in love and it's so wonderful to see her smile.

Watching Reed get down on one knee – well, besides being really exciting and romantic – I couldn't help but remember the night Alexei proposed to me. It's not a night I'll ever forget. Just like the night we met. That night...dancing a few dances...making a little small talk...flirting just because it was fun...how could we have ever imagined we'd one day find ourselves here?

But I plan on spending the rest of my life dancing with, talking to and flirting with Alexei Rovian. Among other things.

Nineteen days.

[Private]

I know I've been caught up with wedding madness for, oh, about the last four months but I don't think I've been oblivious to everything else. And I've been better lately. More focused. More aware. Less consumed.

So I can't help but think there's something going on with Alexei. It's nothing he's said or done, just this feeling I've gotten in the last couple of days. He just seems a little more...strained. I don't think it's the wedding. I pray to God it's not the wedding.

But what if it is?